Author Archives: Laurie

Looper – Review

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I spent the first 5 minutes of Looper wondering if Joseph Gordon-Levitt had a brother. Why? For this movie, they altered him with makeup (three hours’ worth, I hear) to make him look more like Bruce Willis, as he plays his younger version. And what a fantastic job they did. I actually had to imdb the movie after it started to make sure it was him. I spent time trying to find flaws with it and found none. He is painstakingly made to look like he is not wearing makeup. He also worked hard to reflect some of Bruce’s mannerisms and facial expressions – very believable. So kudos to the makeup and prosthetics team – you knocked it out of the park and I want to see more makeup jobs like this. And kudos to Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Now, the movie.

It’s great! The action scenes are well-made and there is some humor laced into the script, which I love. The plot and premise of the movie is original and entertaining. It’s definitely worth a rewatch or two to find symbolism in the various scenes. The sci-fi aspects of the movie were well thought out and significantly less boring than the recent trash that has come out and pretended to be good sci-fi. (Total Recall and Prometheus, to name a few) I don’t really have complaints about any of the actors or really anything. It was just plain good. I’d advise at least renting it.

There are some potential flaws to the time travel aspects of the movie if you think about them too much. However, time travel is theoretical, so the director decided on his own way of doing things, which I respected and enjoyed. He also put a scene in the middle that I think speaks directly to the viewer, where Bruce Willis tells his past self to stop worrying and thinking so much about the future and live in the moment. If you as an audience member live in the moment, you will thoroughly enjoy yourself. ;)

Hope Springs for Abraham Lincoln’s Men in Black.

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Men in Black III was good. Much better than the second movie but perhaps not quite as good as the first. Josh Brolin should win an Oscar for his performance as young K – his mannerisms, facial expressions, everything is just spot on. I’d say it’s worth it to rent this purely to watch him act the part.

I also loved the villain. He is quite disturbing and somehow oddly charming..and the visual design and costume for him is fantastic. Jemaine Clement was perfectly cast for the role. Emma Thompson was great as O and I would like to see more of her in the future – she was a nice balance for J and K’s banter. I don’t really have any complaints about the movie as a whole. It’s not life-changing or groundbreaking, but it’s an excellent part to the series, in fact, I think the second one should be abolished (SO BAD) and this should replace it. The humor is fun and the jokes weren’t overdone. Definitely rent!

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Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter impressed me. I was expecting a very corny hack-and-slash Resident Evil type flick. Definitely not the direction they took it in. It’s serious, yes, which I have read many reviewers complain about – but it’s not so serious that it undermines how awesomely silly the premise of the movie is. They maintain a solid pace and storyline, which made it more entertaining, at least for me. Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian. Who knows. Altering important political history to include the supernatural…epic.

In any case, I found the fight scenes extremely fun yet dramatic, colorful, and well-thought-out..very Matrixy. They provide an excellent counterbalance to the serious political tone. And they’re ORIGINAL – when’s the last time you saw two men fighting while jumping through and over a stampeding herd of horses? Never. Elegance and an almost comic-book exaggeration combined to make this so cool. The acting was pretty good. I’m still not sure I’m 100% sold on Benjamin Walker as Abe, but besides that I don’t recall anyone bothering me. Sturgess is a quick and easy favorite, very likeable, and I would have liked to see more of him.

If you’re a serious patriot who is very gung-ho about politics and/or America, you probably won’t like this movie. You probably also won’t be reading this review because you’re busy getting your guns ready to prepare yourself for government invasion, so I most likely don’t need to worry. ;)

I would definitely advise Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter for a rental, especially if you like old-style movies or are in an action kind of mood. You can’t really go wrong. The movie has a nice wave pattern in terms of action versus story, so don’t expect constant mind-shattering explosions, but I’d be surprised if you didn’t enjoy at least some of the ride.

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Hope Springs is arguably one of the best serious movies I’ve seen in a while. Yes, it’s sad..and romantic. I’ve read lots of complaints from men on Rotten Tomatoes who thought it was a “total chick flick” and that they should have “left it for the wife to watch”…but really, as long as you don’t have an ego the size of the Death Star and you can admit that as a man, you have emotions too, you might enjoy it. ;) People who complain that romance between elderly people is creepy, seriously, you need to grow the fuck up – you’re going to be old some day too. And yes, you’ll have sex. And no, you won’t look sleek and well-muscled anymore. Surprise!!

The acting, as expected, is phenomenal. Meryl Streep is never bad. Tommy Lee Jones..also never bad. And Steve Carell, while in a serious movie, still manages to make us giggle even though most of his lines are actually quite serious. I thought it was an excellent transition for him from comedic to serious, especially in comparison to some of the crap Paul Rudd or Adam Sandler have done when trying to jump from one to the other. He actually makes it work here.

A major flaw of many romantic dramas is that the conflict is often forced. I.e, the woman THINKS the man is doing something and rather than talking about it for 30 seconds and finding out it’s untrue, she immediately has a conniption fit and leaves the country. No forced conflict here. I thought the movie had a very real flow with very real things happening. I felt like just slapping both of them in the face occasionally and saying “GUYS!!! WHY DID YOU LET IT GET LIKE THIS!!”, but I think that’s the point…to jerk you around emotionally and make you feel for their situation, whether you can relate to it or not.

Rent this but be prepared for sad. It’s not a comedy – don’t get it if you think you will spend your time laughing. Just like love, it’s a bit of a struggle with ups and downs, but in the end – well, you’ll have to see. ;)

Totally Recalling the neighborhood Watch for Resident Evil

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The Watch:

I went into this expecting a pretty terrible movie. I wasn’t sure how (based on the previews) Ben Stiller and his backup cast of rude comedians were going to last for an hour and a half walking around the neighborhood being clumsy and stupid. But the movie took a turn for the better relatively quickly. It’s not what you thought it was about, trust me. I will keep it a secret even throughout this review and only say that I was pleasantly surprised with the plot. It’s a much more entertaining experience if you don’t look up what the movie is actually about.

Yes, it was still stupid, riddled with Vince Vaughn’s usual machine gun wit and Jonah Hill’s rude and lewd shtick. Richard Ayoade was a pleasant counterbalance with his British accent and uberpolite delivery of vulgar lines. I am looking forward to seeing the next movie he does; he was quite enjoyable.

I think the main complaint I have is the attempt to lace the movie with a serious subplot about Ben Stiller’s character being sterile. It’s just..strange and seems not to fit. They’re spending a lot of time talking about dicks and balls, as expected, and the serious edge was odd to me.

Overall, at least worth renting for kicks.

Resident Evil: Retribution:

This is on about the same level as the other Resident Evil movies. Silly one-liners, lots of zombies and assorted mutations, and evil corporation blablabla. If you were entertained by the others, you’ll like this one fine. I enjoyed the addition of Leon, the main character in the video game franchise, and Ada Wong. The costumes were awesome and the large zombie creature they used was well-animated and pretty freakish. I also loved the SOUNDS they used for the guns – I’m not sure what they did, but it felt so satisfying whenever she shot a zombie. I think they used a more video game-type effect for these and I think that was an excellent move. Unrealistic, maybe..but better. Why resort to realism when people are flying around the air like Olympic gymnasts killing the crap out of some zombies? Exactly.

Overall…the usual.

Total Recall:

This COULD have been an amazing remake. Could have, but didn’t quite stand up.

The action scenes were great. The combat between Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel was fabulous and sexy, and Kate Beckinsale does a fantastic job as a villain. I loved the effects and how things were visually. There were some gravity reversal combat scenes that absolutely destroyed. So far so good.

But WHY did they make so many changes to the plot? Okay, it takes place on Earth instead of Mars. I can wrap my head around that. Fine. But I don’t think they THOUGHT about it other than making a cool tunnel allowing people to travel through the core of the Earth to the other side. Very cool. Further than that? Brian Cranston is always great but his character has flimsy motives. For some reason, he wants to kill all of the citizens in the ghettos of the city and replace them with robots….making sense yet? It never does. He also seems to show up everywhere instead of sending cronies. This guy is the freaking big bad guy in charge..and he shows up for invasions with his robots!

Also disappointing was the transformation of the movie from science fiction to post apocalyptic, sort-of not-really science fiction. They completely removed mutants and the concept thereof, which kills of a large part of the plot, including the removal of Matthias himself housing a little alien being on his chest. No more aliens, no more mutants. Matthias is on screen for what may be a total of 3 minutes and then dies. Did I care when he did? No…his death brought zero consequence to the movie’s plot, unlike in the first Total Recall. He died and I forgot he died 5 minutes later as I watched the main characters jump around on weird 3D elevators. Cool, but the plot keeps falling into these weird holes that wouldn’t have been there if they hadn’t tried to so drastically change it from the first movie. Oh, and they left the three-breasted woman as a type of homage. BUT THE HOMAGE MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE THERE ARE NO MUTANTS IN THIS VERSION. So how does she have three breasts? Did she just get a third one put there? What the hell.

Colin Farrell does an alright job. It’s not quite as fantastic as when you see Arnold running around like a bull in a china shop killing people and freaking out, though. I don’t know that anyone could match that.

Overall, as a standalone movie, passable. As a remake, meh. I wasn’t as impressed as I should have been. Disappointed.

Artificial Happiness

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I have noticed over the last month or two that I have some friends/guild members and family members who have been increasingly vocal about their social exploits, which are centered around, but not limited to, drinking large quantities of alcohol, eating large quantities of unhealthy food, and smoking cigarettes or pot.

Now, I have never been one to turn my nose up at a fun time. I don’t consider myself a square. But, I do like to think of myself as “health conscious”. And my mental dilemma this week stems from attempting to figure out why people can’t have fun without being unhealthy. Why do people have to binge drink when they go out? Why do they have to eat terrible fried food on a weekly basis? And why, oh why, do people have to fill their lungs with shit that they KNOW will kill them faster?

My first thought is that perhaps these people think that they are above the health problems presented by excessive indulgence. They have a tendency to exemplify the minority as an excuse. “My grandma smoked for 65 years and she doesn’t have lung cancer!!” (what other problems does she have?) “A glass of wine now and then is good for you!” And it can be. But I have never seen these people only drink a single glass of wine.

So what they mean to say is they believe they are immune to the negative effects. And this concerns me greatly. I transcribe for multiple pulmonologists who have 20-40 different patients daily, and while I cannot disclose specific information, I can say that the percentage of people who have lung issues from smoking…extremely high. The correlation between alcohol obesity AND heart issues is also quite obvious and prevalent. And I can’t make these figures up. I see them on a daily basis.

Consequentially, when I see close friends and even relatives regularly drinking, smoking, and eating badly, I instinctively warn them. “These things are bad for you.” “I’m worried about your health.” They seem to be tickled by my concern. “Oh, I know it’s bad for me.” So they do know. Why not stop, then? WHY IS THERE A NEED TO SELF DESTRUCT? Is your life no fun unless you smoke, drink, or eat greasy food? Then you SERIOUSLY might need to step back and self-examine a bit. The whole point of life is to be able to be happy without an excess of shit that makes you artificially happy.

“Smoking is addictive!” people say. My friend Laurel made a good point about this to me today – ever seen someone quit when they have a child and then start back up afterward? All the time!! It can’t be that addictive if you can QUIT STONE COLD TURKEY when you have a child!! So what is calling them back to it afterward? Could it be a subconscious desire for self destruction? Boredom? Obviously they cared enough for the child to stop smoking in an effort to preserve its health…so why can’t they do the same for themselves? Food for thought.

I try to put myself in these people’s shoes. I really do. In high school, I understood that people had nerves and concerns and alcohol and pot easily dull these. But are the long-term side effects of these terrible habits worth the loss of the nerves and worries? Not to me. I just don’t get it. Yes, I understand that you’re stressed and the cigarettes makes you feel better. I understand that you have trouble talking to women, and 6 beers really helps with that. But have you really sat down and thought about what 6 beers three times a week will do to your body eventually? Or what a pack of cigarettes per day will do? Or fast food every day?

I just really want to see my friends and family be healthy and live a long time. I know they’re smart people. It tortures me inside that they would indulge in such self-destructive activities consistently. I would love to just spend time with all of you and show you how much fun you can have while not causing your body to fall apart. I want us all to live as long as we can and enjoy life.

Stop believing you’re above health risks, stop being an idiot, and start being healthy and happy without artificial means. I promise, you can do it.

Bigotry, Not Empathy!! Oh, wait.

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So, I read an article this morning.

News Article Link

If you’re too lazy to read it, I’ll give you the gist. Mexican man has stomach cancer. He works at Golden Farm to support himself, his wife, and children. They do not allow holidays or sick days for the man to get chemo treatments. He shows up to work every day, basically until he is too sick to do so and is sent to the hospital. Man dies.

Sad story, right? I thought so. Is it really legal for companies not to allow sick days? Apparently so, depending on the state. Not only that, but the man is quoted in the article to say that he didn’t want to take a day off for fear of his job. God forbid he take a day off FOR CHEMOTHERAPY.

Now, the article bothered me. Of course. Regardless of who it was written by or biased towards, it seems inherently evil to me that the workers at this place don’t have any kind of a feeling of security in their jobs. They’re easily replacable. Sick? Too bad, find another job. Piece of cake in this economy. I’m fucking loaded, so I can find any old Mexican off the street and offer him a job for shit wages. I don’t give a shit about you or your chemotherapy.

But further than that were the comments on the article. I am literally ashamed to say that I even inhabit the same planet as these sad, bigoted pricks.

There are currently 6 comments total. Of the 6, 5 of them think the man’s death is his own fault. The 6th talks about which City Council speaker should win.

Let’s take a look:

“He should have gotten chemotherapy on his 147 sick days, two days a week off.”

Yes, I’m sure he did. But if you’ve ever had or known someone who has had cancer, you need to get chemo more often than that. God forbid these immigrants (because immigrants /= people) are allowed two days per week off. They should be working seven days a week WHILE GETTING CHEMOTHERAPY at night so that they can survive. Sick days? Man up and work while you’re on chemo. Pussies.

…

Really?

Have these people ever had chemotherapy? Have they ever REALLY been sick? Here’s where the whole empathy part should come into play, but it doesn’t. Everybody who works should be working 40-70 hours per week, and… health care? Days off? …Puuh-lease.

Others took it a step further:

“As sad as this is, if they are going to demand sick time, then they should all be on the books, paying into the till.”

Yeah..okay. Who said they weren’t on the books? No one. They’re Mexican; that automatically means they’re illegal immigrants here, apparently. Whether they’re illegal or not, they’re probably not “paying into the till”, so. Their problem! Obviously.

…

Seriously?

And a final one:

“He had 14 hours each day (the hours he did not work) he worked to go to the hospital……..he did not have to worry about the kids, as his wife did not work (hmmm–is this code for illegal immigrant)”

Oh, okay. So he should have worked for 10 hours, then gone to the hospital for a few hours of chemo, then to bed, then back to work the next day? I’ll refer you to the “Chemotherapy Side Effects” section, below.

Oh, and the wife not working is code for illegal immigrant, huh? Or could it just be BECAUSE SHE HAS TWO FUCKING KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF AT HOME? GEE FREAKING WILLIKERS.

God forbid she needs to stay home to give her children an actual education and upbringing instead of shelling out however much it is per week to have her children taken care of by some random assholes for five days a week. Nope, it must mean she’s an illegal immigrant. After all, her skin IS brown.

It seems that these bigoted pricks are the same ones who bitch about how illegal immigrants are destroying our country and that we should randomly do searches on people who aren’t white, or pull them over. The same ones who think that everyone should make it on their own, without welfare and food stamps. The same ones who think that poor people getting enough tax cuts to buy a FRIDGE is exorbitant.

And so on.

No one seems to be able to put themselves into other people’s shoes.

Chemotherapy? Psssh, deal with it. Lose your hand? Pssh, deal with it. Three kids to support? Pssh, deal with it. All your problem.

But have they ever HAD that experience? Have these people ever been just born into poverty?

Some will claim they made their way all by themselves. Sure you did. Your parents never helped you or gave you money. You never received a loan from a bank. The government never helped you. And it shouldn’t help others who are in need, either. Why? Because it’s THEIR FAULT that they’re in need.

Even further than that. Have these people ever had cancer? Or chemotherapy? The fact alone that this man worked while receiving chemo on and off is bloody heroic. Here’s a list of side effects from chemotherapy:

Chemo Side Effects

I challenge all of you bigoted, entitled assholes to get that sick and still go to work without ever asking for a sick day. Pick about 15 random symptoms from that list and imagine yourself with them every day for a year. Or better yet, make two or three lists of 15 symptoms apiece and switch up the lists on a daily basis.

Yeah.

Keep on trucking.

Put yourselves in someone else’s shoes for once instead of just taking off your own shoe and throwing it at them. Empathize instead of immediately judging. Seriously. I’d recommend it. Maybe by the time you’re 85 you’ll feel like a HUMAN BEING again.